Jewish Marriage - Preparation and Ceremony

Origins:


Marriage is a fundamental belief in Judaism - traditionally the relationship between a man and woman where God is directly involved (Deuteronomy 24:1)

It is also the basis for which to fulfil God's commandment to "be fruitful and multiply" (have children and repopulate) - Genesis 1:28.

It is understood as the merger of a man and a woman into a single sole, and for this reason, it is believed that people are 'incomplete souls' until such time as they marry - their soles are only a part of larger whole which is meant to be unified.


Match Making

Jewish parents can engage the services of a shadchan or match maker who would choose a suitable spouse for their son or daughter. This was a paid position in the community although a rabbi would be used as an intermediary between the two families.


Engagement (Kiddushin)

The first step in a marriage is the engagement or kiddushin. In earlier times, the kiddushin used to take place up to a year before the marriage ceremony during which the husband would prepare a home for his new family, however, today and in recent times, the engagement and the marriage process take place on the same day in one larger ceremony incorporating the two procedures.

A kiddushin is more legally binding in Judaism than the typical engagement by a modern English understanding. Once the kiddushin occurs in Judaism, the wife is legally bound to the husband - and the relationship created can only be dissolved by death or divorce. However, spouses do not live together at the time of the kiddushin and mutual obligations do not take effect until the marriage is completed.

Marriage (Nusu'in)

Because a marriage is essentially a contractual agreement between a husband and wife a rabbi does not need to preside over the ceremony, although it is common that they do officiate - usually in Australia due to the law that requires a religious or civil celebrant to be present at a wedding.

Lead Up To the Ceremony

Separation - typically the bride and groom will be separated for the week before the wedding

Aliyah - one the Shabbat of the week of the wedding, it is customary for the groom to have the honor of reciting a blessing over the Torah reading. At the time there will be jubilant celebrations and throwing lollies at the bride and groom symbolising the sweetness of the event.

Fasting - on the day of the wedding the bride and groom fast as their wedding day is their own personal Yom Kippur - as such, the groom will often wear a kittel on his wedding day - a white robe like garment which is also worn on the feast day of Yom Kippur.

A kittel

Kabbalat Panim - Prior to the ceremony the bride and groom will meet with guests separately and tradition likens the bride and groom to a queen and king for the day. The kallah (bride) will sit on a throne like chair to greet her guests while the chatan (groom) will be surrounded by guests who will sing and toast him. This tradition stems from a time when a bride (or groom) may not have had family to celebrate her special day and the community instigated this practice to ensure that there were community members around her to support her for her wedding.

Kallah at the kabbalat panim

At this time, there is a Ashkenazi tradition that the two mothers (of the bride and groom) may also break a plate together to symbolise that like the place can never be fully repaired, so too can a broken relationship never be properly repaired.

Kiddushin Ceremony

Signing of the Ketubah - the ancient marriage contract is signed by two witnesses who must not be blood relations to the couple marrying. The Ketubah is a ancient document that outlines the grooms responsibilities towards the bride for the length of their marriage. The Ketubah is generally a decorative document that symbolises the beauty and romance of the wedding in modern marriages.

Modern Ketubah

     

Ancient ketubah

              

Badeken - The groom covers the bride's face with a veil as a reference to the biblical story of Rebecca veiling her face when she was brought to Isaac to be his wife. It can also be symbolic of the man's love for his wife's character rather than her appearance.

Approaching the Chuppah - The groom and then the bride make their way toward the Chuppah (canopy) where the wedding ceremony will take place. Each is escorted by their respective parents.

Circling - the bride traditionally circles the groom seven times as a symbolic gesture of building a wall of love around him and their relationship - seven being a sacred number in Judaism. In modern weddings, the bride may circle the groom 3 times, the groom circle the bride 3 times then they may continue the last circle together as a couple.

Blessings over the Wine - Two cups of wine are used during the ceremony and two blessings said - one the standard blessing over the wine (similar to what is done on the Sabbath) and the other blessing for the marriage - the couple then drink from the cup of wine.

Giving of the Ring - The marriage become official according to Jewish law when the groom give the bride a something of value, typically a ring. It should be a plain ring, unadorned by stones or jewels to symbolise the simplicity and beauty of the marriage. When the man places the ring on the woman's finger he recites: "be sanctified to me with this ring in accordance with the law of Moses and Israel"

When the kiddushin is complete, the ketubah is read aloud and it is presented to the bride to retain for the duration of her marriage.

Nisu'in Ceremony

Chuppah - the bride and groom stand under the chuppah that is symbolic of the home that they will build together as husband and wife and of the husband bringing the wife into his home.

Bride and groom under the chuppah

Seven Blessings - seven blessings (sheva brachot) are recited then over the second cup of wine by a rabbi or other people that are very important to the couple being married. The seven blessings in essence are:

1. ... who has created everything for his glory
2. ... who has fashioned the man
3. ... who has fashioned the man in his image...
4. ... who gladdens Zion through her children
5. ... who gladdens the groom and bride.
6. ... who created joy and gladness... who gladdens the groom with the bride
7.  An individual prayer for happiness for the couple and a prayer of joy for the messianic future.

The couple then drinks the wine

Breaking of the glass - The groom then smashes the glass with his right foot - there are many varying beliefs as to why this is done - some of the most common include to symbolise the destruction of the Temple of Jerusalem, a representation of the fragility of human relationships, a hope that the many shards of glass will be representative of plentiful happiness, hope (and/or children) in the marriage in the future or a belief that the loud noise will drive evil spirits away.

Breaking the glass

Yichud - The newly married couple now retire to a private room for no less than 8 minutes. This is symbolic of the husband taking his new wife into his home and it also gives the couple some private time together to embrace and spend time together after having not seen each other for a week.

After the Marriage

The ceremonies are followed by a festive meal with the repetition of the sheva brachot (seven blessings). Plenty of food is served and there is exuberant music and dancing to celebrate the happy occasion.

Great website for further reading:

http://www.smashingtheglass.com/2014/06/09/a-guide-to-the-jewish-wedding-ceremony-and-order-of-service-under-the-chuppah/